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Orcaestra: the musically obsessed Orca

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Art!? [04 May 2003|09:35am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

I was wondering if anyone could do piccies of me (A sketch I had done once and A picture I found. One's own interpretations are welcomed and encouraged though!), a female Orca with arms instead of pecs, with fingers - kind of paw like. A regular Orca form including the dorsil fin, any patches, eye spots, and fluke, though I have legs with toes - kind of paw like. And/or possible art of my mate (that's the closest he's been able to find to how he looks. He's never been drawn before). The biggest request that I have..Is if someone could do art of us together. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how I'd be able to pay for this, though I'd be very greatful if someone could do drawings for me/us.

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Woot for Daddy! [04 May 2003|08:00am]
Email from DadCollapse )
4 comments|post comment

Hugs me daddy [03 May 2003|08:49pm]
[ mood | Comforted ]

Email from DadCollapse )

IM with DadCollapse )

What I emailed Dad backCollapse )

3 comments|post comment

Ironclaw/Furry RPG's [03 May 2003|09:18am]
[ mood | curious ]

wearyed's the GM for the Ironclaw game he put together. He's telling me about it and I'm really intregued and interested. I wish I could be a part of it, it sounds awesome. I have to really work on my RP skills though..Working on details and such. Does anyone know of any other sites/games like this...Are there any on sites..Or do they all need physical groups of people?

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[03 May 2003|09:02am]
[ mood | loved ]

I never thought I'd affect someone this way..Me good qualities?? Meep! O.oCollapse )

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[03 May 2003|08:22am]
[ mood | Meep?? O.o ]

From Beth:

Leader of the Pack/Motherly
You are the protector. The leader of the pack, and
would sacrifice short of nothing to protect
those around you...and even perhaps, sacrifice
for those you like not at all. You're kind is
scarce, and though you may be noble, there is
also a vain part to you too. Try to overcome
that, for only then willl acheive full peice,
prosperity, and respect.

What Kind of Person Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

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[03 May 2003|07:56am]
[ mood | indifferent ]

Beth, Can I claim you as my mother?? Can you adopt me?? I'll get the papers! *flails off* How you helped me last night..You were so calm and patient, understanding, and you listened fully and then worked from there. I never expected the outcome to be as it did. The number I'd given you last night was my house number. The number that you'd called and left the messages on was my cell phone number, which Chris gave you. I had my house phone ready and waiting, given I had no idea he gave you my cell number hehe. I have free nights and weekends right now, so..do you think we could talk tonight? You'd call my cell..I get home from my dad's about 7-7:30 (NY time). Depending if my mum's home, I'd ask you to call my house number, which's what I'd given you over AIM, because I only get reception on my cell upstairs, but I can walk all over the house with the regular phone. I'm sorry we were unable to talk last night. The was a mixup of which number you had..I had the wrong phone by me and awaiting a call. Comment or email me (HeartString86@aol.com) if we can talk tonight, and what time, so I'll have my cell on. If mum's not home then I'll have you call back on my house line.

Chris, my dwaggin', my mate, my love. Your support and willing'ness..I can't even begin to express how that makes me feel. Knowing I have you by my side is more than I could ever ask for. I know you'll do anything that you can and that I can talk to you about anything whenever I need, and I will, but right now..I'm still confused...numb..It hasn't hit me yet. My love for you is stronger and deeper than I could ever say. My mate, my love!! Even no price too high for the gods doesn't mean cut yourself and give them blood...even though you say you're not hurt..you have me scared and worried. Having the gods help you, especially for me, isn't worth blood and cuts..Please..Please don't *wimpers* I don't want to see you hurt. I know you say they're only scratches..But still..No hurting yourself..I'm not worth that...I don't want you hurting yourself..*nuzzles wimpers* Though you say it's nothing..It's immsense and scary for me..Please..Please don't..I love you..Don't give them blood...*gathers my Orca plushies* Here, use these!, Just please...don't...*wimpers*

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An Orca with paws instead of pecs!? [02 May 2003|05:56pm]
[ mood | curious ]

I was thinking..I wonder what it would be like if I had paws..battie drew my form with fingers..I could make them paw like..I don't know..You can't do much with pecs..They're flat like paddles..I want to be able to paw and such..but is it bad that I want to mix elements of different animals? I'd prolly looked all oddball'ish..I don't know how it'd work...I mean because I was drawn with fingers..or finger-looking-like things if they weren't meant to be figers..I could call that part of my arm..Like a human has a hand..I'm confusing myself..I'm just wondering about getting myself some paws..and if that'd look or sound bad..I'm still in, I guess you could say the early stages of the fandom, still developing my C and form.

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SAT's are over-rated! [02 May 2003|04:26pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

As I was walking to History I saw that the room assignments were posted, and they'd put me in a room where I couldn't have my testing rights, I'd've had to take the test in 3 hrs, when my rights give me 5, and I also have a reader if I need it. Somehow my application was viewed as a regular one, and there's no way I'm taking it under regular timed conditions.

I went to Guidence as soon as I got to Resource and talked to my Guidence counselor but then I remembered when I'd filled out the application to mail out, that she hadn't been back yet from her leave, and that Ms. Michaels had helped me with it. I talked to one of the secrateries that took care of the room assignments and she pulled out the SAT places' print-outs on everyone that had 'testing rights' and mine was on there, but they'd still processed my application as regular. She called the SAT peoples and they said they'd have to send down another test, and that I'd take it in school next week, I'd do it 1-1..Not 10 to 1'ish, of how the room would've been..And I'd be exucsed from classes.

I had the secretary call mum and explain that to her. She was furious at the school, the SAT people, and Guidence, when I'd specifically gone down there before sending out the application with the check, and asking if there was anything I needed to do, and they'd said no.

Mum just called and said that I'm definetly not taking it tomarrow because they can't Fed-Ex a test down here that quickly, so I'll take it sometime next week.

Mum's not sure if she's going to Albany for a Education Budget Rally thing, because she's so mad..But I think that it'd be perfect for her to go..Use her agressions out at the Rally..That's what rallies're for. I really hope she goes to Albany for the rally..I want her out of here!

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A turn-around! This hyper dorky Orca's back to normal! [01 May 2003|07:55pm]
[ mood | rejuvenated ]

I talked with my school psych and his intern, in seperate sessions, about everything that's been going on with me the past few days. I felt alot stronger once I left each session. I'm no lorger anxious, apprehensive, and depressed about confronting and talk to my mother, though I won't do it unless she does it first.

Not going to the St. Anthony's Invitational tomarrow. Dunne didn't put me on the list..We need the top scorers to be there, placing, and getting us points. My whole work-out was a crappy warm-up 1500M and then I ran a lap with Carly as she was doing the final laps of her 3 miles. She came around soon after, and I just joined in again. We talked about colleges, and she asked how I was since last night. She said that I should apply to other SUNY's..Even though only 2 offer a Music Education Major..They all pretty much have the same tuition, and I can always transfer in.

Nancy took me piccies for the press release..It'll be avaliable on the Discover site, gotta find the link, on May 23. I'm already a NY state winner, but I'm up for Nationals, and I'll know that on/after May 23. The piccies'll be sent to all major papers and NY papers (Newsday, Post, Farmingdale Observer, etc).

Mum's going to a retirement party for a close friend tomarrow at 7 and she won't be home from when she leaves work till she gets to the party and gosh knows when she'll be back. Woot! All the more relevant to my happiness, Grandma wrote me the sweetest note last night and I read it today. She unlike mum understood that I was truly feeling what I'd written in the note. She said she'd do for me whatever she could and she'd give me as much space as I'd need.

Got Violin from 9-9:45. I haven't had a lesson in ages..This should be interesting..Then I get to go home and "go to sleep" aka call my love *grins, nuzzles* wearyed, I'm truly beyond words at how supportive, comforting, willing, and loving you've been to me, especially these last few days, though my depressive mood will be no more! You're always on/in my mind and forever in my heart, I love you!

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[01 May 2003|06:31am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I thought it was good to bring something that's wonderful and truly's made me happy, in my life, with my parents earlier sooner than later. Though because I did..It's become a fight between Mum and us, and my mood has plummeted significantly. She seems calm with the fact that she wants to talk and what we'll talk about. Why'm I still depressed/low though? Apprehension? That plays a big factor. I'm not used to us talking, she's always been busy and out at meetings and appointments and such, though that in no way bothers me because then she's not up my ass..But when she senses something, she gets it right in the center of the bulls-eye. I know talking will bring my mood up because the apprehension is gone. The fact that I'm mated and feel truly loved and wanted, is better than anything I could've asked for, and since we're going to talk, why haven't I calmed? I'm trying to run the answers in my head..To see if I've got everything covered for what she might ask. He's better and more loving than anything I could've asked for. I need to be happy again, I want to show people that I'm happy. It's not that I don't want to be, it's just..the thing with mum irkes me, and it won't be resolved quickly - that I'm figuring. *Thinks of how busy I'll be each day* Given both mum's and my schedules, I'm not sure exactly when we'll be talking, but I can't sit here dwelling on it..but if I knew how to stop dwelling on it, and to perk-up..I wouldn't be sitting here..Questioning my own questions and thoughts.

I need suggestions and advice. Don't be afraid to comment, to say whatever you want. I'll take anything I can get. I need to get out of this depression. I truly want to be happy and to show that I am..But there's this dark scrim over me, it needs to be lifted off!

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[30 Apr 2003|04:40pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Low
Level 2 (Lustful)High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)High
Level 7 (Violent)Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
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Goose...Fra...Ba...!!?? - Anger Management (the movie) [30 Apr 2003|05:46am]
[ mood | Gaining strength ]

The Jist: Went to psych and got there early. His 8 PM wasn't there yet so we began our session. He read through what I wrote mum and 3/4 of what she'd written back, before his 8 PM did show. I went back in at 8:45, the origionally scheduled time of my appointment. He then celled mum as she'd asked, and he put it on speakerphone which killed me. I hate speakerphone. I feel as ganged upon as I do during a 3 person conversation between me, him, and mum, in his office. She first spoke of what she meant by saying about her relationship with dad. She supports my breaking up with Trav and the reasons I gave. She said that she could tell that I was hiding something, and that sooner or later she'd figure out what it was, because she always does. She told me that I'm not a terrific liar and that she's concerned for my safety, health, and well-being. Thus being said, if she knew the full truth of the situation, I'd be turned into dead meat! She said that the next time we have a session with Dr. James, which she claims to be next Thursday, though his calendar says 2 Thursday's from now, that we will have a talk, the 3 of us. I hate the 3 person talks. After she hung up, I looked at him, tears streaming down my face, and I said Me: "If you expect me to be able to sit here with you and her, you've gotta be fucking kidding me. It's not you, it's her, then I can promise you that I'll have a breakdown". "I don't want to put you in the middle..." Dr. James: You're not putting me in the middle because you're going to stand up to her and I'll back you up". Me: *quivering* "But you know how she is..I can't!" Dr. James: "You have to, it's good practice, I know you can do it". So..Once we get home..She was home, her meeting ended early or something and I went to go tell her that I was going up to bed, and she said "Something's not right,I know it, are you going to tell me now" Me: "No...I guess I could"..."I don't want to have the 3 of us talking together. It's fine if you and Dr. James talk and then I go in and talk with him, but I don't like the 3 person sessions". Her: "That's not the point...tough...Do you expect me to be fully supportive of you and to say that everything's fine and dandy, Rebecca Mikael...cause I know it's not..and I'm going to find out what it is". I grab my laundry, go upstiars, get into sleep clothes, turn off the light, shut the door, and call.

When I called wearyed, I couldn't help but uncontrollably sob, though I did get out fully what happened. I also said that we were going to have to cut back on the phone calls from my cell cause even though they're free, she'll still see that I made them. He said whatever we had to do, was perfectly fine, that he'd stand by me, love me, give me strength, and help me through. This was just us being tested, and nothing could part us from each other, that he'll be there for me no matter what. I also sadly said that we'd have to hold off on the Amtrack trips for a long time, I'm not sure how long for..Max till I get to college..Given if he gets that computer job..I wonder if he'll still re-locate to whereever I am (college) *hopes*

What my love emailed meCollapse )

My response to his emailCollapse )

2:30 (my time) will come soon enough, my love, and the days to come will soon pass and we will be together, inseperable, and deeply in love.

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Bwahaha!?!? [29 Apr 2003|03:03pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]

I am 44% Evil

With a style rating of 50%

This score reflects a pathetic level of evil with sufficient style to look cool

Test created by Jamie - take it here.
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[29 Apr 2003|02:29pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

What Mum emailed me backCollapse )

It doesn't sound to me like she's saying "No you can't", she's just looking for the best possible situations and scenario's, and to not make the same mistake she and my dad did...and the way I see it..there's alot of pluses for them a) not having to do transport. And since I'm in NY and he's in IL, it's not like I'll have to sacrifice the life and social'ness that I do have, to spend time with him, or to feel like I have to, because we will see each other, but it won't be as frequent as if he was local. I don't know if she sees it or not, but my social'ness is Track, and auditioning for LIYO and MYO..Yeah I don't have a huge group of friends..I have 3..Who don't know each other at'll...so if that's what she considers to be social *shrugs, sighs* It's not like I have to listen to her, right? I can always go against that? eireaislynn, do you and Matt both live in the same state? Did you begin to date in college, or while you were in HS? frogslippers, did your parents support you dating Jesse when he was at Hartt and ya in yer senior year? Maybe it does sound like Mum doesn't want me to do it..But I'm still living my life! It's not like I'm not..Waiting by the phone and email would be one thing, but I'm out, and I'm doing things..Not saying that I'm thrilled with my busy daily schedule..but I'm not sitting on my ass for hours waiting for the phone to ring. I need opinions...

edit: wonder_woman (how could I forget Claire!!??), I'm assuming your parents know about Colin given he's coming to you in about a month and then you're going there in Dec (did I get it right?)...did they support you? What did they say? wearyed's about an hr north of you..and given you're in IL aswell and Colin's in college in MA and lives in NJ, and Chris' in IL too and I'm in NY..so we're both in the same boat...I hope..But then again, you always have better outcomes to identical situations we've had..so who'm I kidding?....

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[29 Apr 2003|05:55am]
[ mood | sore ]

Emailed my rents about WearyedCollapse )
To be honest, only a small portion of what I wrote is true. He does live outside Chicago, he does have friends in NYC that he could stay with, but our connection and relationship's based on more than what I mentioned. If I mentioned the fandom, they wouldn't take that too well. I hate having to lie, but I know that if they knew the truth, they might forbid me from seeing him, or something...Majorly given he isn't 18, but as we both believe, age is just a number. I await their reactions anxiously.

Called my love, last night. The pain from the days practice hadn't gone away, I mean it hurt to flip over onto my side or stomach. I decided that I'm not going to attend this Confrence. If the practice would've been lighter..than yes..maybe..but no, given how it was, I can't. I'll be home about 2:30 and I'll be able to talk till 7, when dad comes to pick us up to go to Dr. James for 8:45.

I really wish my love was here right now. I'm so sore and in so much pain. I loved especially 2 things that he said to me last night. "I wish I could just coil around you" (with his wings..dwaggin' wings yeps), "..my, love". *melts, croons happily* I love him soo much!!

Off to school right now..I still have my icecream that they got my last night..I think I'll make that breakfast...yeah when I'm in odd moods I eat odd things...I really do wish wearyed was here to take away the pain, I know he could! *sigh*

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[28 Apr 2003|05:44pm]
[ mood | loved ]

Day was too long..It was a Monday...But regardless...Too long!...Math problems take forever...We have to learn a unit a week in Chemistry - that'll go really well! *sigh*

Motzart's Requiem in D, the origional..not some bloody arrangement, in collaboration with the chorus....Szabo has a MYO poster in the room and on there on one of their last concerts, they're playing Motzart's Requiem in D...Woot, we're playing the same stuffs as MYO!...Talking with Szabo for a half hour about colleges..and then he sat down and so did I and I told him how he was my inspiration to become a Music Educator..He was really touched..He grinned and gave me a high-five but I could tell he was touched deeper than he showed.

Track..So much pain...so sore *coughs* My lungs and chest feel like someone ran me over with a Mack truck...Did 1 out of the 2 mile warm-up..Pussied my skips and drills..didn't have the endurance..my chest hurt too much to breath and go..did the 200M accelerations-->sprints 2x...Oww oww oww...And I have a 400M to do at the meet tomarrow..I don't care if it's the crappiest run I've ever done..Then 3 out of the 4 70M sprints...those were crap too...I can never get out fast enough..But I truly don't care. I won't be going to the meet on Saturday because I have the SAT's..But most of the races at the St. Anthony's Invitational are Friday, and I'm not sure how long the meet's going to run. Dunne said that times and effort of tomarrow'll be a good indicator of who runs..She can't put everyone on the track..Only 15 induvidual entries and 1 relay..and we need the scorers on the track to get us points for another win..I doubt I'm running on Friday..If I'm not running in the meet, I may not go..Then again..If it'll run into the night..I may go..and watch..calmly..cause then I can miss a night of dinner at my house..I hate dinner..Forced french maid qualities and outfits..persay, though it feels like I'm wearing the outfit.

Talking with my love now..*coughs* (owww me chest)..I'm so happy, greatful, touched, and calmed that I have him..and the love we share..Each time we email/IM/phone..and we just go and speak of our love for each other..I tear and sometimes it gets so intense that I have to cry..Good tears though. I never thought I'd be loved this way by another, or feel this way towards another, so strong, and so soon. I know what I feel is true, and that my love for him will never diminish. I wish I could express my love for him in more words, or better..I know it sounds redundant and repetitive..But my mouth can't explain what my heart feels. I've never felt this good, been this happy, and've had this support and strong feelings for the future. I know I'll always have him to carry me through..My love, my beloved dragon, my mate, wearyed! *nuzzles, cuddles, croons softly*

Off to my last SAT class soon..Taking the SAT's this Saturday..Then once I'm home, I have to help mum put away the passover food from the yellow shelves..I hope it doesn't take that long..I hate having to wait till night hours to talk with my love, but it makes it all the more worth it!

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Part of me's scared to know what's being thought of me right now [27 Apr 2003|04:44pm]
[ mood | scared ]

The convo behind the cut isn't a sad matter, I feel very good that I got the courage to finally definatly speak my mind about the issue, but I am wondering what people're thinking of me given the past events of the convo.
I got up the courage to say what finally needed to be saidCollapse )

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[27 Apr 2003|04:41pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Anata wa Kappa desu! ^_^
Awwwwww! You're a Kappa.A cute little frog thing
with a beak. You love cucumbers and swimming.
Although you've been known to do harm (Like
pulling the intestines out through a human's
anus), you're normally very carefree and
loveable. Only when you're pissed off would you
ever hurt another person. You've got a plate of
water that you wear on your head that gives you
special powers, but watch out! If that plate
gets knocked off, you lose all those powers and
become just a wierd lookin' frog thing...

What Japanese Creature are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

"You've been known to do harm (like pulling the intestines out of human's anus" - Yeah..I know I can be evil..But that's just dowwnright wrong..I'd add more torturous elements to the mix! 0:-)

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College tuition'ness [27 Apr 2003|09:54am]
[ mood | giddy ]

I've still got SUNY Potsdam and Fredonia on my mind to apply there..but I want to have backup schools aswell..and I want to have my applications into them. I looked at UConn's and UMass's and found some good stuff.

UConn's Music Program at the Storrs Campus in Storrs, CT (Must find out UConn's tuition fees for in-state and out-of-state)

UMass at Amherst's Music Program, Umass at Dartmouth's Music Program, Umass at Dartmouth's Tutition Fees (I wonder if all UMass campuses have the same tuition fees. I think all SUNY's do..not sure)

Mum just called dad and he IM'd me saying that we're not doing the piccies for the Discover award today..no piccies today..drats!Collapse )

I love me mate, so helpful, supportive, and full of 'ideas'!! *giggles, nuzzles*

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