The Jist: Went to psych and got there early. His 8 PM wasn't there yet so we began our session. He read through what I wrote mum and 3/4 of what she'd written back, before his 8 PM did show. I went back in at 8:45, the origionally scheduled time of my appointment. He then celled mum as she'd asked, and he put it on speakerphone which killed me. I hate speakerphone. I feel as ganged upon as I do during a 3 person conversation between me, him, and mum, in his office. She first spoke of what she meant by saying about her relationship with dad. She supports my breaking up with Trav and the reasons I gave. She said that she could tell that I was hiding something, and that sooner or later she'd figure out what it was, because she always does. She told me that I'm not a terrific liar and that she's concerned for my safety, health, and well-being. Thus being said, if she knew the full truth of the situation, I'd be turned into dead meat! She said that the next time we have a session with Dr. James, which she claims to be next Thursday, though his calendar says 2 Thursday's from now, that we will have a talk, the 3 of us. I hate the 3 person talks. After she hung up, I looked at him, tears streaming down my face, and I said Me: "If you expect me to be able to sit here with you and her, you've gotta be fucking kidding me. It's not you, it's her, then I can promise you that I'll have a breakdown". "I don't want to put you in the middle..." Dr. James: You're not putting me in the middle because you're going to stand up to her and I'll back you up". Me: *quivering* "But you know how she is..I can't!" Dr. James: "You have to, it's good practice, I know you can do it". So..Once we get home..She was home, her meeting ended early or something and I went to go tell her that I was going up to bed, and she said "Something's not right,I know it, are you going to tell me now" Me: "No...I guess I could"..."I don't want to have the 3 of us talking together. It's fine if you and Dr. James talk and then I go in and talk with him, but I don't like the 3 person sessions". Her: "That's not the point...tough...Do you expect me to be fully supportive of you and to say that everything's fine and dandy, Rebecca Mikael...cause I know it's not..and I'm going to find out what it is". I grab my laundry, go upstiars, get into sleep clothes, turn off the light, shut the door, and call.
When I called wearyed, I couldn't help but uncontrollably sob, though I did get out fully what happened. I also said that we were going to have to cut back on the phone calls from my cell cause even though they're free, she'll still see that I made them. He said whatever we had to do, was perfectly fine, that he'd stand by me, love me, give me strength, and help me through. This was just us being tested, and nothing could part us from each other, that he'll be there for me no matter what. I also sadly said that we'd have to hold off on the Amtrack trips for a long time, I'm not sure how long for..Max till I get to college..Given if he gets that computer job..I wonder if he'll still re-locate to whereever I am (college) *hopes*
( What my love emailed meCollapse )
( My response to his emailCollapse )
2:30 (my time) will come soon enough, my love, and the days to come will soon pass and we will be together, inseperable, and deeply in love.